American Conservatives Get Another Reason to Write in Putin's Name in '24

The final front against LGBT has been opened in Russia

Photo by Teddy O on Unsplash

Many Putinist Russians brag about how in Russia, there are only two genders: male and female. Without getting into the more controversial parts of this discussion, let’s look at what these Putinists mean: “Gays are a sickness that needs to be cured.” 

Russia, thanks to the anti-gay laws that took effect back in 2013, is a fantasy island for American conservatives, with Putin being the ever-affable Mr. O’Rourke, making Dimachka Medvedev undoubtedly “Tatoo.”

Courtesy of MeTV

Russian security forces raided gay clubs and bars across Moscow Friday night, less than 48 hours after the country’s top court banned what it called the “global LGBTQ+ movement” as an extremist organization.

Police searched venues across the Russian capital, including a nightclub, a male sauna, and a bar that hosted LGBTQ+ parties, under the pretext of a drug raid, local media reported.

Eyewitnesses told journalists that clubgoers’ documents were checked and photographed by the security services (Russian Police Raid Gay Bars in Moscow).

Being gay is bad in Russia. It’s a behavior that can infect the minds of children, which forced many gay couples raising children to leave the country. A gay mother or father could be put in prison for loving their partner in front of their children as it was considered “propagandizing gay lifestyles.” We all know how God hates the gays, after all, and we also know how many in the Catholic Church regard this deficiency. 

Courtesy of Reddit

Here is Cardinal Raymond Burke, a great defender of heterosexual rights and practices. 

Ever vigilante at protecting the rights and traditions of the nuclear family, the Kremlin is working overtime to strengthen the foundation of the family. To toughen up the men of the country and weed out the weak and substance-addicted, it launched a very necessary war against its neighbor, Ukraine. With tens of thousands of children now being raised in fatherless households, Putin’s strategy for making the boys stronger took a little hit. 

Ever the optimist, the soul of modern Russia decided to open the prisons and return those criminals to society, but first they could survive the front. Those that make it back after a year genociding and raping the women of Ukraine have clearly proven their worth as testosterone-filled men and so can now have their pick of the widow-litter: Family restored.

In case you didn’t know this, Russia is the “land of opportunity.” For decades, this has been the slogan of the only political party, United Russia. It’s a good one and really rings true, especially if you are in the Party or work at one of the state-controlled companies. Since the war began, the government has nationalized much more of the economy, and today, it is estimated that 75 percent of all Russians work for the government — this is down 25 percent from 1989 when the Soviet government employed everyone.

Sitting around, endlessly brainstorming ways to increase the opportunities for Russian citizens, the Kremlin has decided once and for all that the nightclubs and bars where the sexual deviants — lesbians, gays, and gender-fluid people, etc. — gather should be shut down. 

Russia’s gays and lesbians, it turns out, are political extremists, and so must be denied any opportunities to congregate in places where the majority aligns with the “dogma” of gay life. The Kremlin does have a point here, though, because a little-known fact is that of the 20 hijackers on 9/11, 19 were gay. The 20th didn’t show up when he found that out. 

The government also fears that if a man likes a man or a woman wants a woman, then a “civic” movement might spontaneously grow and oppose the good-natured ways of the Kremlin. 

In the tradition of Orwell and modern Russia, it turns out that Russia actually does legally protect the rights of the LGTQ community. 

Russian authorities reject accusations of LGBTQ+ discrimination. Earlier this month, Russian media quoted Deputy Justice Minister Andrei Loginov as saying that “the rights of LGBT people in Russia are protected” legally. He was presenting a report on human rights in Russia to the U.N. Human Rights Council in Geneva, arguing that “restraining public demonstration of nontraditional sexual relationships or preferences is not a form of censure for them (Russian Police Raid Gay Bars in Moscow).”

Silly, overly-emotional gay people, you thought all of those armed militia in black storming your clubs and bars were there because they didn’t like you. They are actually there to protect you and Russia from (add foreign country or organization).

Olga Baranova, director of the Moscow Community Center for LGBTQ+ Initiatives, said that this “protection” of the LGBT community will drive many out of the country. The next migration of Russians begins today. 

When does it end?