April 3rd, 2025: Liberation Day
A day when the stupidest people in America celebrate and feel smart.
Say it with me. Stupid people are people, too. They also need special moments when they can feel just a wee bit less foolish and even a teeny-weeny bit smart. Tomorrow, people we know will celebrate as if it were a great day in our nation’s history. They will, without the slightest bit of understanding or hesitancy launch themselves from bed and congratulate their fellow dumbasses: “Happy Liberation Day, Mark.” ‘Hey, thanks, Chris, a happy one to you, too (Mark and Chris are relatives of mine who sincerely think Trump is the greatest thing since the invention of sliced bread)’
Because they are my relatives, I love them. Despite their professional success, and both have been successful, they are dumbasses. Their ignorance is based more on racism, but not all M’gidiots are racists. Many are just dumb as rocks — and I apologize to those rocks because, after all, why should they be maligned so? Rocks have been lying around for billions of years, and now they are being lumped together with humans who have chosen to give up on further evolving their brains. Millions tomorrow will accept that evolution is a hoax, not all it’s made out to be, and so they choose to stagnate like chemical-poisoned lakes (which will soon be returning to our country thanks to the gutting of regulations forbidding companies from polluting).
April 3rd, 2025, is genuinely Liberation Day. It is the day when the cult of embarrassingly ignorant people haul themselves from their bed, reach toward the skies, and scream, “Dear Leader, free us from evolving. Free us from the tediousness and pressures of learning and aspiring to become more, better than we are today.”
Trump is liberating millions of his cultists tomorrow from reason. He is liberating them from basic math. He is liberating them from common sense, from fair prices, from healthcare, from clean air and drinkable water, from the enemies of our nation, and from the final frayed strands of respect the world had for our country. I mean, how many times can we as a nation demonstrate to the rest of the world that most Americans don’t give a shit about the rest of the world. We have crawled so far up our own asses, and now without shame march out all of the skeletons from the closet. Whackos across the planet look at us and,, for a few moments each day,feel comparatively normal.
Just look at what happened in Florida. A MAGA Congressman threatens his constituents with expulsion from town halls: “If I even hear you breathing from where I am sitting, I will have you removed.” He treats them like dogs. They live in a district that has been neglected for years and struggles to survive the DOGE chaos. They had a chance to remove him and instead voted him back in with a cushion of 12 points. Democrats rejoiced. Yippee! We made progress! Really?!
The Republicans were so abysmal in Congress that it took them 15 tries to vote in their Speaker after removing Kevin McCarthy, and they still held the majority. This tells me that stupidity has saturated our national DNA. Children are being born stupid.
They voted for Trump because they thought Biden had caused inflation — obviously, he hadn’t. They voted for Trump because gas and egg prices were high. Gas and egg prices are higher now than when Biden left office, despite Trump’s promise to lower all prices within 24 hours. Trump now plans to wreck the economy and cause prices on everything to go up because of a policy that is based on nothing but his innate desire to destroy everything around him. He destroys companies, cities, countries, lives, and now, economies. He has destroyed an alliance with dozens of nations that had regarded us as their savior and most trusted ally for 80 years. He plans to start a war with Denmark, a NATO member, over Greenland.
In the meantime, chaos prevails. In the meantime, China prepares to seize Taiwan. In the meantime, Putin does whatever he wants. In the meantime, Americans are being sent to concentration camps in El Salvador! A man is removed from his autistic five-year-old and sent to El Salvador. The Trump lunatics admit it was a mistake, but they won’t do anything to get him back.
And yet, Andrew Tate, a trafficker of drugs and humans, was repatriated and is now a hero on the right.
And Mark, Chris, and the Marks and Chris’s in your lives, in all of our lives, celebrate that finally America is becoming great again! Finally, we are becoming the small, cowardly, rancid little fascists all of them are in the core of their souls.
April 3rd, 2025: Liberation Day from human evolution. If we want to survive, we must go left, just as our ancestral primates did 6 million years ago. Early hominids began to spend more time on two feet and diverged from their ape-like cousins. So too must we stand up straight and mock them wholeheartedly as they fall to their knees and crawl before their stupid-stupid Dear Leader.