Imagine the 'Deal Maker in Chief' on 'Let's Make a Deal?'
As nice as Monty Hall was, he probably would have had Donald removed for the safety of the audience members.
Can you imagine it? Dummy Donald Trump, the alleged “Dealmaster-in-Chief” on the classic game show “Let’s Make a Deal” with Monty Hall.
Dressed as a professional golfer with drawn-on white spots under his eyes indicating where his sunglasses sat while he played his endless round of golf, Donald eagerly stands next to the famous and ever-affable host of the show.
“Okay, Donald from Mar-a-Lago, so behind Curtain #1, we have a ruthless authoritarian leader who kills his opponents and recently launched a campaign of genocide against a neighboring country. On more than one occasion, he has said that he wants the United States to fall.
Behind Curtain #2, there is a booming economy and a long list of allies who are looking forward to working with you to improve the United States economy and make the country more secure.
Finally, behind Curtain #3, there is the American government, a formidable force and the only country that can keep the dictator behind Curtain #1 in check, shredding its Constitution, destroying its economy, and removing itself from all alliances with the countries behind Curtain #2.”
“Okay, I got it. What do I need to do?”
“Calm down there, Donnie. Let me explain. In one pocket, I have a promise that the United States economy will thrive, and the dictator behind Curtain #1 will eventually fall, bringing about world peace on your terms.
In the other pocket, things are different, but they aren’t good for the U.S., the world, or you— and that’s all I will say. All you need to do is pick one of the two prizes from my pockets, and then that choice will determine which curtain we put into effect.”
Puzzled, Donald stares at Monty and then the TV audience. “But you have already told me what’s behind the curtains. It would take a real dumbass not to make the right choice.”
Monty smiles wide, and placing his hand gently on Donald’s elbow, he whispers, “We kind of made it real easy for you, Donald, because as fellow Americans, we want you to get this right.”
“But aren’t you Canadian, Monty?”
“I was born there, Donald, but became an American citizen so I could vote for Bill Clinton.”
“Ah, of course, one of them. Well, Monty, of course, I am going to take my chances with Pocket #2. I am smart and know that I can make America great no matter what I decide.”
“That’s really too bad, Donald. By choosing Pocket #2, you select the genociding dictator behind Curtain #1. America loses all of its allies. Become a pariah nation in the world. That dictator uses the incompetence of your staff, and your naivete and ignorance to dismantle — and your unilateral disarmament — to launch crippling cyberattacks against the nation’s power grid, banking system, and avaition industry — planes fall from the air daily thanks to your choice. The rest of the world shows no sympathy, and United States citizens can no longer travel to Europe without visas — but they are allowed to travel to Russia and North Korea visa-free.
You really stepped in, Donald, with that one.”
“Ah, Monty, I’m through with this. You are weak, and your suit is ugly. I’m the Dealmaker-in-Chief, not you!”