JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon Nominates Himself for A**hole of the Year

He knows that America's got his back regardless of whether Trump or Biden wins: "We will deal with both. My company will survive and thrive in both"

This is the face you hope “they” don’t forget when the raging begins. Then again, maybe I am being a little “worried.” That’s what the billionaire Jamie Dimon, the CEO of JP Morgan Chase, said at Davos last week on CNBC’s “Squawk Box.” 

“I wish the Democrats would think a little more carefully when they talk about MAGA,” he told CNBC’s “Squawk Box” as he praised the many things he said Trump got “kind of right.”

“He was kind of right about NATO, kind of right on immigration,” Dimon argued (though he didn’t say whether Trump’s claim that immigrants “are poisoning the blood of our country” is “kind of right”). “He grew the economy quite well. Trade. Tax reform worked. He was right about some of China.”

“I don’t like how Trump said things about Mexico,” Dimon continued, “but he wasn’t wrong about some of these critical issues. That’s why they’re voting for him. People should be more respectful of our fellow citizens (Billionaires Think You Are Overreacting).”

Let me offer the kind of response that the insulated Dimon seldom hears: “Shut up, you clown!” 

There aren’t many Swiss watches with the kind of precision a few billion dollars have when turning a human into a smug and clueless asshole: Meet our nominee Jamie Dimon. Dimon has been the CEO of JP Morgan Chase forever and steered the bank through the 2008 meltdown by buying Bear Sterns for $2 a share. Dimon is a jerk, and his comment last week at Davos elevates him to a-hole status. 

What is it about money that makes people so goddamn stupid? Dimon, a person who hasn’t been anywhere near reality in decades, is one of the wizards of the Oz who believes “banks are too big to fail.” Safely ensconced in snowy Davos, the over-confident Dimon looked at billions of humans across the globe struggling to make ends meet last week and said: “Would you mind keeping your cries down while suffering? It’s messing with my mindfulness.”

Jamie Dimon and many other a-hole billionaires really don’t have to worry about the possibility of America slipping into fascism with a Trump victory. Trump worships the club of earners of which he was never a member. If he were to come out victorious in November, he would undoubtedly require Dimon and others to come and kiss his ring, but other than that, he would continue to protect the economic system that permits people like Dimon to make such comments without any fear of repercussions. 

Even though the evidence of Trump’s unfitness for office is as clear as day, maybe Dimon’s remarks were made in ignorance. JPMorgan Chase has had a remarkable track record during Dimon’s tenure, for example, of not noticing developments under its corporate nose: from allegedly fraudulent mortgage-backed securities and the subsequent housing market crash to Bernie Madoff running a billion-dollar Ponzi scheme out of his Chase bank account. Maybe he’s somehow missed Trump’s awfulness, too (Billionaires Think You Are Overreacting).”

Dimon is a despicable man, and his failure to see danger in the criminals with whom his bank does business has in the past destroyed the financial well-being of more than one family. Dimon’s business, however, seldom suffers what we, the worried and frantic, are forced to suffer. Jamie Dimon has never known what it’s like to have sheriffs come to his home and throw everything into the driveway during an eviction. He has never even known anyone to whom that has happened. What he does know, however, is that thanks to each eviction, the money trickles up to his bank’s income statement. 

Jamie Dimon downplayed the chaos Trump would create when he was elected in 2016, and now, he is just plain mocking us by saying that Democrats and anti-Trump Republicans are acting hysterically. There is a reason, though, why Jamie Dimon doesn’t care if Trump gets elected.

But a more straightforward explanation is that Trump is the billionaires’ candidate. Sure, they don’t care for “how he said things.” But he would deliver these millionaires and billionaires more massive tax cuts. He would reverse the Biden administration’s moves for stronger bank regulations. And he’d end President Joe Biden’s efforts to rein in monopolies, help organized labor and safeguard workers’ rights. None of these things the billionaire class wants from Trump would help the average American, but they would help the wealthiest (Billionaires Think You Are Overreacting).”

Klaus Schwab founded Davosto to facilitate communication between European businesses. He then expanded it to include U.S. companies. Somebody then realized that businesses and governments also needed to be on the same page, and once they all started drinking and partying together and doing favors for each other— “Hey, my son Bobby just graduated Harvard; you think you can help get a job at your company?” — it became considerably more difficult for politicians to go after the leaders of commerce. 

Jamie Dimon has nothing to worry about because he and Trump come from the same system that made them wealthy. Trump won’t ruin that system for Dimon because then it would ruin it also for his kids. Dimon is right; he has nothing to worry about — fascism, democracy, or anarchy; he has the money and power to ensure that his world will always be peachy keen.