LLLet'sss MMMMeeeet a…Trump Voter!
Welcome to the newest reality game show. I'm your host, B Kean…
What do you get when cross (blankety-blank) with (blankety-blank)? Cue the canned laughter and the Match Game theme song written and produced by Burt Kaempfert.
Okay, you get where I am going with this, right? Good. Now, let’s go.
(Folks, I am not making the following story up. This one writes itself.)
A woman who regularly rants against anti-Trumpers on TikTok, she was recently agitated that people dared to boo Trump at the Superbowl, has begun appealing to the “viewing public” for help. It seems the U.S. Department of Agriculture is coming after her for, of all things, “food stamp fraud.”
After her video defending poor, innocent Dear Leader Donny, she made a video in which she could be seen crying about how her food stamps and federal rent subsidies were being cut. This woman, with at least one small child, feared she would end up homeless and without food. This is genuinely terrible. To be fair, I don’t care that her chubby-upsy face is going to suffer from food insecurity, but because her poor little baby would now go hungry because momma’s a dumbass. Momma is like millions of other dumbasses who now regret their vote for Dear Leader.
“I didn’t really think he meant what he saying.”
“I thought he was going to deport others, not my husband.”
“Well, I just wanted him to lower the food prices…so far, nothing is getting lower.”
This momma, who shall be called “Mary” (for no reason, just Mary, so please don’t be offended, normal Marys), was contacted by the Department of Agriculture after being arrested in the parking lot of a Walmart. It seems that this rocket scientist — oops, I mean Trump voter — was using a portion of her food stamps to purchase soda in cans— over 100 to be exact.
Mary would then exit the Walmart and empty the cans down the sewer grate near the entrance. Some shoppers saw her and asked what she was doing. Mary explained that she was collecting money from the recycled cans. How much can be made from 100 recycled soda (pop) cans? Well, not much, folks. Mary would get anywhere between $1.50 and $3.00. Her take could be as high as $10 for 100 if those were beer cans. Most likely, though, they weren’t beer cans because you can’t buy alcohol with food stamps.
Those shoppers, hopefully, Harris voters, called the police. The police asked her what she was doing, and without hesitation, Mary told them. She was arrested on the spot. Now, she has been hit with a bill for $23,000 from the federal government for food stamp fraud.
It wouldn’t be unfair to call Mary the average Trump voter. Her quest to earn, maybe, $2 will now result in a fine of $23,000. In the meantime, Musk is shredding her welfare benefits, and she acts surprised.
Oh, you can’t make this stupidity up. Americans really should be required to pass basic civics tests to maintain their right to vote.