Putin to the Minister of Agriculture: 'What's Up With Your Balls?'
This and other highlights from Putin's annual call-in show
Vladimir Putin likes to make off-color remarks in official settings. It’s like his little way to remind people that the street punk from Leningrad, the bad boy, is still in there despite the $10,000 suits and million-dollar watches he wears. It’s also kind of like a reminder to everyone: Don’t let this cultivated and cultured facade fool you, I am really a nasty little demon.
In his annual call-in show, which Putin hasn’t done in a few years because of COVID and then because of the war, Putin joked about a conversation he had with the minister of agriculture. Egg prices have been skyrocketing over the past few weeks throughout Russia. In some places, a 10-pack of eggs — Russia sells them 10 at a time and not 12 — costs as much as $6. Just a couple of months ago, the price was $2. When the prices of staple items begin to rise unexpectedly, Russians go into Soviet Union mode and begin to horde. The increased demand for eggs is causing prices to rise more.
The word “eggs” in Russian also means “testicles.” Any time a Russian person asks an open-ended question like, “So, how are your eggs,” they are definitely asking about testicles and not eggs. Putin doesn’t have to worry about the rising price of eggs because he is Putin, but Russians have begun to ration them or go without them either because of the lines to purchase them or the cost. There is talk that the great, powerful Russian state will begin to import eggs from Turkey.
The egg discussion during Putin’s call-in show, which is pretty much a roast of Russia, arose long after Putin said that everything in the country was as good as it had ever been. In Putin’s words, Russia was achieving its objectives in Ukraine — denazification and demilitarization, in case you forget the original goals — and the economy, he said, was booming.
One Russian citizen asked, which appeared on the large screen for all to see, “Can the rest of us go to the Russia that you are speaking so positively of on TV?”
Putin told the viewers how proud he was to see the strength of the Russian people as they continued to pull together to withstand the anti-Russian attitudes from some of the more malicious governments in the world. Putin spoke about a world that would happily remove Russia as an independent actor if it could, and that is why all Russians must be strong and united.
“Mr. President, what does your ‘reality’ so differ from the reality we all live day in and day out?”
Other questions and comments from viewers that popped up on the screen were, “Please don’t run again for president,” and, “Make way for the youth of the country.”
A student from St. Petersburg called in disguised as an AI-deep fake of Putin himself. Putin acted surprised, and no one knew whether it was real. Putin answered with a joke that no one understood.
Putin also promised Russians that they would have to get used to war, making it necessary for the preparations to begin with the youth. He talked about how conscripting soldiers from life, like he did last year, only sometimes results in the best soldiers.
“The best way to prepare is to teach the school kids about patriotism and practical skills necessary for defending the Motherland.”
It’s really heartening stuff for Russia’s future, folks.
Putin’s roast lasted three hours and was shown live.