The Myth of Russia's Victory Over Fascism 79 Years Ago

Putin embarrasses himself again before the world playing 'brave leader' on Red Square.

Courtesy of Israeli Culture

No, this is not a photo of Putin and Dmitry Medvedev chatting about the good old days when Russia was a serious country. You wouldn’t be wrong, though, if you saw the resemblance. The Kremlin has run out the clowns and circus entertainers onto Red Square for its annual “May 9th Victory Day” show. Par for course, Putin made the event a real laugher. 

He’s really getting good at this comedy stuff. Let’s take a look at some of his more goofy statements. Hold on and make sure you aren’t drinking or eating anything because some of these zingers are, really — I mean really — knee slappers! Here are some key lines from his Red Square speech today.

“Russia is united. (…) We are one people.”

If you have extracted your balls and placed them in a small glass jar to be worn around the neck so the thugs known as Russian policemen can see them dangling there, then yes, you are one of the “united Russians.” If you have removed the frontal lobe of your brain and are happy to stare off into space with spittle dripping out onto your lower lip, chin, and then onto your collar, you are indeed part of the “one people.” (Two knee-slaps.)

“We see how the truth about World War II is being distorted.”

Where do they see this? The only ones still talking about WWII are Russians. Even though all of the veterans of that war are long since dead, and even their grandkids are nearing the end of their lives, Russia still goes on about this pyrrhic victory. Sure, there is a lot to talk about, and we all respect the suffering, much of induced by the Soviet leadership itself, but nowhere in the Western world does anyone doubt Russia’s role and suffering — no one, nowhere, no how. Stop being a lying shithead, Vlad — you jokester. (One knee-slap.)

“Our strategic forces are always combat-ready.”

Except when they aren’t, like on February 24th, 2022, when the order was given to invade your neighbor, Ukraine, the tank drivers were so hung over some went in the wrong direction. Others couldn’t drive more than five miles because they had traded all of their gas for vodka and prostitutes. (Three knee-slaps.)

“Russia has never impaired the contribution of allies during World War II.”

This is all Russia does! If you ask any Russia, even non-Putin supporters, they will confidently tell you that the West did nothing to defeat the Nazis. They tell you this because this is what they have been taught since birth and continues today. Many Russians also think they beat Japan in WWII. They know almost nothing about the war we fought in the Pacific but love to say that once Russia joined that war, Japan surrendered shortly after. (Four knee-slaps.)

Russia is going through a difficult period; the future of the motherland depends on us.”

Russia was doing great up until February 23rd, 2022. The world was just coming out of the pandemic, and life was finally getting back to a somewhat normal rhythm — and then you, Vlad, decided to launch a war of genocide against Ukraine. (One knee-slap.)

It’s a day of festivities, gayness, and glee in Moscow. The antics are nonstop, and a troupe of clowns never before seen in Moscow assembled on top of the mausoleum. In case you have forgotten, just below this scene of frolic is another dopey Russian leader.

Courtesy of Fox59

It almost looks like a slumbering Putin. Dreams do come true, folks, so keep your fingers crossed.

Fascism is alive and well in modern Russia. The so-called victory over it in 1945, it turns out, was a lie. This is not a knee-slapper but a tragedy.