The QVC Presidency: 'A Fragrance Your Enemies Can't Resist'
Everything will - already is - be for sale in Trump's world, and all the proceeds will go to charity.
Just over two weeks ago, I wrote about the Trump family grift. What most sickened me was how the “esteemed” future first lady, someone we had heard a whisper from since her criminal husband was ousted from the White House in 2020, appeared all smiles on “Fox & Friends” and pushed her ugly Christmas tree ornaments for $90 apiece. What baffles me even more is how Trumpists don’t find this “everything-under-the-overcoat hawking approach to leading our nation absolutely offensive.
Now, I get why Trump is seen these days always wearing a heavy, black wool overcoat. Underneath is everything that marketers at the Trump Organization feel will sell quickly — they need to max out sales before Trump dissolves into dementia or so tragically embarrasses himself — and us — that Americans flee him the way they did in 2020.
It’s a little late for this year’s celebrations, but you can get a very early jump on next year and count down with the $38 Trump Advent calendar. Or trim the tree with a $95 Mar-a-Lago bauble or a $16 MAGA hat ornament, sold in nine colors. (A glass version of the hat ornament is $92.) Stuff stockings with an $86 “GIANT Trump Chocolate Gold Bar” and a $22 pair of candy cane socks printed with “Trump.” Prepare a holiday feast with a $14 Trump Christmas tree pot holder and $28 Trump apron featuring Santa waving an American flag.
The Trump Organization thought of everyone celebrating Trump’s nonconsecutive terms this yuletide season, rolling out a line of merchandise printed with “45–47,” including $195 quarter-zip sweatshirts, $85 cigar ashtrays and $38 baseball caps. Fido can’t go without his gear, of course: The store also sells gifts for dogs, including orange leashes and camo collars emblazoned with Trump’s name. And don’t forget the kids! How about a $38 teddy bear wearing a red, white or blue Trump sweater, $8 MAGA hat stickers or an array of Trump sweets, including $16 gummy bears (How to Have a Trumpy Christmas)?
The Trumps, however, are good people. Always leading the way when it comes to charity and helping those in need, the proceeds from these holiday sales will be earmarked in their total for a good cause. The “fund” is called the Trump Organization, a for-profit corporation, and the money goes to rehabilitate convicted felons. The organization has had some great success recently when the convicted sexual abuser of women (nope, I did not call him a rapist, wink-wink) and 34-time convicted felon managed to get himself re-elected for the presidency of the United States — yes, the former empire one.
Every penny pried from the paws of perfidious Trumpists for the gaudy, Chinese-made shit being hawked by everyone with the last name Trump goes straight into the little hands of the kind-hearted patriarch. He then collects what is owed to him from his incomprehensible immigrant wife — wink-wink — and then makes the rest of the Trump kids sit around and suffer through his tirades about how everyone is against him, all the while sitting in his soiled diapers. I feel bad for Trump kids in the way I do when watching those black-and-white reels of criminals getting hung — regardless of how evil they might have been, that look that overcomes them a split second before they dangle is so honest and desperate.
Ah, no, I don’t. I have no pity for them, even though it’s not their fault Donald Trump is their father.
It’s shameless and disgusting what the Trumps are doing to the office of the presidency. Could you imagine if Barack had been running a basketball clinic during the summer out behind the White House? He could have made millions in eight years of teaching kids ball-handling skills. Imagine if Joe Biden was selling commemorative coins showing him riding the train. Joe could have played the train angle to the hilt. Train enthusiasts spend freely on their love and hobby. Democrats respect the institution. Trump’s greatest achievement would be to turn the U.S. into a 24/7 episode of QVC.
Donald Trump will turn our everyday lives into the Qurate Retail Group. How much do you want to bet that when Trump appears, a running advertisement across the bottom of the screen will appear in which everything he is wearing or touching can be purchased?
“As our leader speaking at this very crucial moment about invading Greenland, why not pick up for you and your friends a “Make Greenland America Again” windbreaker? Only $212. Or did you see President Trump drink Coke out of that can as he spoke to the world? It’s yours for $120. If you act fast, you can get a complimentary sticker of our great leader’s smiling face.
It’s already happening. It’s going to happen again, daily, and everything you will, similar to when you stay at a Trump hotel, everything at the White House will soon have a price tag on it — just like the security of our country will.
Earlier this month, the president-elect also announced he had launched a fragrance line, which includes the $199 “VICTORY 47” perfume for women and the “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT” cologne for men. Products for Christmas delivery were sold out as of Dec. 19. Trump promoted the fragrances on Truth Social with a photo of Jill Biden smiling at him during a service this month celebrating the reopening of Notre Dame cathedral in Paris.
“A FRAGRANCE YOUR ENEMIES CAN’T RESIST!” the caption said (How to Have a Trumpy Christmas)?
Vladimir Putin has a lot of money.